I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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