I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
