So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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