I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
