I got chris browned last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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