some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
