he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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