Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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