she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
