the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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