Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
