I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
