drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
