when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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