Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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