booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Panties = found
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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