I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
