just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
