Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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