i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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