i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
