I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
