The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
