...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
