She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
