why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
