in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
