cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
