fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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