I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
