So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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