Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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