Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
