What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
