oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
