It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
