Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
