you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
