ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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