areolas are like halos for boobs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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