1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Your tits are I can't wait for
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
