I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
