I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
