Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
