Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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