How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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