Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
