thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
