the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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