Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
