why do cheetos always look like penises
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
