This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
