i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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